Blrg - Dram-uh

Busy... or not busy?

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 16:38:57 -0500

I've got a tough few months ahead of myself.
I keep looking at various things and wishing I'd done something similar. I have to concentrate on one thing and stop spreading myself thin... which is really hard, considering I have immense trouble with concentrating on any single thing for long periods of time.
That, and I have to move out. I've located an apartment and have to start packing, assuming nobody else takes it (haven't signed yet: I want to see it before I sign, damnit!). It's a really good spot, too... I may just throw caution to the wind and grab it, since the other apartments I've seen so far were absolute crap (and what we saw of another apartment in the same building was pretty damned nice).
Grr.
On the upside, I've gotten my laptop back and it appears to be working just fine.

DRM in Canada? Why of course...

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 13:07:07 -0400

Vito Pilieci from The Ottawa Citizen states in a Canada.com article titled "Copyright board OKs levy on iPods, MP3 players":

The Copyright Board of Canada is again backing a tax on Apple Inc.'s iPod and other MP3 music players that could boost the price of the devices by almost 30 per cent.

This is truly unfortunate and ridiculous. It's becoming into some odd fight against the innocent consumer, the computer-illiterate consumer that has no way to do anything about this. Those who're pirating aren't going to care about this (and computer-literate users are going to see this "tax" as an encouragement that says "Oh, don't buy it from the store - buy it from Ebay.ca") since they likely already have portable audio players or they don't have nor want one and only use their computer for music anyway.

Despite all that, it doesn't surprise me in the least: Big Suit types never want to research anything, they just want a quick fix and they want it now. Anything they can do to justify their salaries and make it seem like they're actually doing something productive. The sad part is, it'll injure them in the long run.

And since when are recording devices taxed, anyway? Were tape decks ever taxed this way? Ghetto-blasters? Stereos? And what's next - CD/DVD recorders get taxed since they're "recording mediums"? Copyright is an outdated system for outdated governments (and don't get me started on patents) - I realised the futility of it as a child, and I realised the ridiculousness of it when a teacher at college copyrighted a code skeleton file, and I now realise the obsolescence of it as it lacks any real structure or system.

Conclusionless meandering

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 21:58:31 -0400

I guess the problem is that I'm confused.
I don't know where I want to go, I don't know what I want to do.
... And I don't want to be alone when I do it. It's kind of funny, really, coming from someone who's always been alone, always wanted to be alone, and always wanted to be independent.
It seems, though, that I'm just not what I thought. I'm not independent - at all - and I'm more lonely than I let myself think. And I don't know what to do about that either; I'm very paranoid, somewhat elitist, exoteric (or is that esoteric?) and weary of drama. New friends aren't easy for me to make, more so because some plain, regular things to say sound corny or cheesy, which makes me not want to say them.
It doesn't help, either, that I can't make up my mind on various things that really shouldn't have to be thought on so long. I can't make quick decisions on trivial things. I can't do roleplaying these days because I can't handle having to create characters, or let things happen to them.
I can't let myself play games, I found out some time ago. It just doesn't feel right to play games anymore... I either feel guilty, lonely, or bored. Games that would normally captivate me bore me, games that I could get absorbed in and have a blast for hours without noticing instead make me wonder if I shouldn't be working on some project... and the same goes for reading, oddly enough. I have a book sitting beside my bed, on my nighttable, just waiting to be read. I like it, I find it very interesting, and yet it's been weeks since I've picked it up and read it. Sure, part of the reason is because I go to sleep late sometimes, but even then, I either start feeling like I don't /want/ to read, or can't concentrate on the story itself... or even THERE, I get the impression I'd be better off working on a project...
Which really wouldn't matter, since I can't concentrate on them. I can't get myself to focus on any project or any kind - writing, programming, designing - and it frustrates me. I don't know what's causing it, because it doesn't even seem to be the lack of letting out something - frustration, anger, or whatever it is - it just seems to be there, like some kind of ADD affliction.
Oddly, it doesn't really seem affected by the amount of sleep I've gotten... the situation might even be helped if I HAVEN'T gotten a whole night's sleep, but I'm not sure. Which is another thing that annoys me about myself: I need my full eight hours of sleep, and I can't tolerate any less. While I haven't tried anything with lots of caffeine in it (e.g. coffee or power drinks), I find that smaller sources of it, such as hot chocolate, have absolutely no effect in keeping me up. Despite this, I seem to have no trouble staying up late - for one night. After that, I start to need recuperation sleep, and in a bad way.
I guess it's normal, but it's just another thing I want to change about myself. Is it really possible to do it? I guess it's more a thing controlled by my genetic code.
I have reoccurring lapses in memory. I forget things I should know, I forget things I should remember to do. I even forget to CHECK my to-do lists, but I think that might more be a subconscious want to avoid work. Perhaps it's that same subconscious want that makes me "unable" to concentrate... which would really be rather pathetic.
It's really kind of unfortunate that there's no profession based on knowing operating systems, and shortcuts around them. You won't see any IT positions (It wouldn't even have to be IT, though it'd likely be placed there.) with the job title "Operating System Scripter". I mean, when's the last time you asked someone for a batch file / shell script / [insert programming language here] script to be able to facilitate something you do regularly? And even if you HAVE done so, I doubt you (or anyone else for that matter) paid for it.
I feel bad for not knowing more, really, or not being able to APPLY more (What I said about concentration). Part of the reason that I don't work on my projects, I think, is the lack of anyone saying that they want to see them completed (but it'd help if I spoke about them, wouldn't it?) - but probably also the fact that things I DO work on don't get commented on... which at this point is kind of a hypocritical thought since I hardly pay attention to others these days, having too much difficulty with my own life at the moment. Perhaps that itself is the problem: Focusing on myself too much.
Meh, I've had enough Conclusionless meandering for this time.

Meh this, meh that, time for an update.

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 19:04:00 -0400

I've been fairly quiet recently, and I'm not sure why; But don't expect me to apologise for it. It's... ridiculous. Nobody's been asking for any updates anyway.

Thanks to the database loss, I'm not entirely sure what I last posted about, though by the looks of what's on a crossposted site, I didn't say much about what was happening anyway. Thus, I'll start with whatever comes to mind, and go from there.

I've gotten a job. I'm waiting for the security check to clear, but there isn't really any reason why that shouldn't go, so I'll be starting on the second of October. Go me?
The job is with the Immigration and Refugee Board of Canada, and I'll be doing some database / web development for them for a few months; It's only a contract job, but it's something for now, and the job itself sounds like it's going to be just what I've been looking for -- at least I've got that much positive to say about recent events.

Going down the hill only a tad, it looks like the only effort required to restore the gallery (at this point) is to re-title everything. I've already re-installed G2 and re-added the galleries and pictures. I expect to be done the work on it by the end of this week. Moving onward, I've checked and rechecked my webserver logs and an interesting detail made itself present (or rather, was not present). I was right: She doesn't want to know. She hasn't asked. She hasn't tried. Good enough for me.

Rolling on, I'm still having issues with getting work done. Even when I tell myself I'm going to work on something, I eventually turn away and distract myself. jEdit is happily sitting in the background, waiting for me to continue working on the story engine I've started writing (Speaking of which, it still needs a title. It's codename X-Story-System must go.). I think it's something psychological, but I'm not sure what it involves. I'll note this happens with my stories as well, although I can usually manage to write at least a paragraph or two before I turn away from it. It may very well be that I've been feeding something experimentally when I should not have been.
I'm worried this may affect my job.

I haven't told my mother that I've gotten a job, and she has today followed through with her threats and told me that beginning the first of October, I'm supposedly going to be paying 200$/month rent.
Good luck, mother.

Although I hardly need another project, I'm going to have to look up the S9Y plug-in API and write myself a crossposting plug-in for another site. There's no point in having more than one journal, much less if I keep the others even less-to-date than my main one.

I'm starting to think I'm unsuited for relationships...

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Thu, 23 Feb 2006 22:19:04 -0500

I mean, it took me a while to grasp how to be a good friend...

... I keep thinking how I shouldn't be in a relationship. Each time I try, it's always the same thing.

It doesn't help that I have a piss-poor memory.

You know you're in a sour mood when even your sweetest chocolate tastes sour...

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 12:54:52 -0500

It seems I've forgotten an important rule:
You can remind her of an ex (even a horrible one she always refers to as an asshole), but god forbid if she reminds you of any other female, ex or not.
It doesn't even matter that it's probably mostly fictional.

It's only been three months, and I've already got the key to her place... and the key to her heart. Is this normal?

Apparently I should feel ashamed because I left a light on.
Note, though, that it's one: I remembered to turn off the others, and I did lock the door on my way out.

I don't know what to think these days. I'm always tired, short tempered, and short on time. Taking off a work day didn't help a single bit either, though I didn't have it to myself (Normal, considering what yesterday was.). I'm starting to think I'd rather only the company of men.

Sigh...

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 22:40:38 -0500

So stressed these days.
At least I can take some comfort in knowing that my copy of 9Tail Fox has arrived...

Another day, another worry...

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 00:29:04 -0500

Shibby shibby.
(What does that mean, anyway?)

Last night, a friend of mine and I were playing Unreal Tournament 2004 again. It had been a while since we had... and boy did I miss it. Just being in the game, waiting for him to connect, and looking at the intricate detail and amazing rendering... I miss it all. He remarked, later on when he had to go, that we had to do this more often.
Yes, we do.
Come play Invasion with us sometime, will you not?

That's the "highest" point on this post, though...
I was modding my DreamCast a day or so ago: I had ordered a transparent blue case for my DreamCast (looks pretty much like the original, but transparent blue) a week or so ago; When I got it, I disassembled the DC, and reassembled it within it's new case. At the same time, I took the opportuniy to do another mod for it: I unsoldered the power L.E.D. (orange) and replaced it with another one - a dual-color one (well, I soldered it in place to green, though it could've been red, but I don't like red).
I shouldn't have.
Seems I've fried the controller board - specifically whatever handles the controllers. Everything else in the DreamCast works just fine. The L.E.D. lights, the fan goes on. CD spins up, and the DC asks me for the date and time.
But I can't give it, because the controller has no power, no communication... I can't tell if this is due to permanent damage (honestly, I did a really bad job), or just from a "link" (short circuit) that shouldn't be there. Hopefully the latter, as I don't want to have to buy another DC just to fix this one... or something.

And Firefox is beginning to bother me. While I'm glad I can finally use the BlackJapan theme (BlackJapan theme for Thunderbird), it really irks me that it once again has decided to forget my address bar URLs. God damnit, STOP DOING THAT FIREFOX!
Another thing I've noticed is that it's got a severe memory leak, probably due to one of the extensions I have. As I write this, firefox.exe takes a whopping 129,104K of memory on it's own. My computer can handle it, but it doesn't stop me from being annoyed.

As much as I am willing to try relationships, I don't think I can handle them. Not with the way I currently am, anyhow.
She wants me to call every day. I can't even manage that... aren't I just pathetic?
I don't like subtleties either. I don't think we'll get along well, though she seems to think differently. Her language mannerisms (assuming that's the correct term for it) are annoying me, too. I've only once before thought that repeating things like that could bother me (Arkos, I'm looking at you.). I mean, I've read thing and spoken to people who would repeat certain expressions, and it has never bothered me so much before. Why, oh why, does it bother me to hear "I don't worry", now?! I wonder if it's because of the lying way she uses it.
*sigh*

My todo list isn't shrinking.

As long as I'm in this shell#, I can't break; out, I can't feel any joy...

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Mon, 02 Jan 2006 16:09:16 -0500

I'll mention first that the reason I wasn't replying to comments and wasn't checking my server e-mails was because I was forgetting to change my password (which is forced after it expires), and Thunderbird stops checking a certain e-mail account after a few failures. ...which means I forgot to do this for about a month. ;>_>

As for why I haven't been around, other than my job, there was the family reunion which occurred from approximately the 25th to the 30th. There's not much to say about it, because... well, it just proves how asocial I am. Any of those who were in doubt, you have your proof. I. Did. Nothing. And despite that, I forgot to take pictures of it anyway.

Speaking of my job, a few things I forgot to mention: It's casual dress, so I don't have to worry about getting dressed all fancy when going off somewhere in the middle of the night to type away at a keyboard. That, and the added bonus of being able to listen to music makes it that much more bearable... or humane.
It's just unfortunate that half my music is no good there, since soft music would put me to sleep amazingly well.
Quite unfortunate, since the Tilopa CD I bought (Kyotaku Live) is wonderful. No, I haven't received it yet - I only ordered it yesterday or before-yesterday - but you can download free copies of it (slighlty lower quality, naturally, but you still can). Also, since I bought a copy of the CD, I can give three copies of the full-quality music to others.
I unfortunately considered today as a statutory holiday. It isn't for me: It only applies if you don't work on Sunday, and it doesn't seem to apply with colleges.

As for college, I've been stuck with two courses again. I'm fairly certain I'm supposed to get more than that.
*sigh*

I've got everything, and I'm still not happy.

Xial, I need to talk to you.

Halloween, tomorrow, but it's Xmas I'm worried about...

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 12:34:18 -0500

So the ailment that affected my computer didn't last long. I'm still not entirely certain what caused it, but it seems that temporarily turning on the driver verifier did the trick - possibly because it slowed down the computer to a horrible crawl while it was on. Thankfully, things seem to be back to normal now. Thanks again to Flames Delvar for the suggestion of going to The Elder Geek's website.

Yesterday, I got bored and decided to play around with my sound editor. I popped in a song, cut it off at about 30 seconds (approximately right before the singing starts ;P), then started experimenting with it. I ended up cutting it down to 17 seconds, but it loops cleanly. The odd loop was then popped into a Flash file, to see what others had to say about it.

I've been a little too addicted to UT 2004 lately. It wouldn't be so bad if I could find more people I knew who want to play it, but just about every time I ask someone to play, they're busy, not in the mood, or otherwise won't play. Ah well.

I've been reading more Piers Anthony books lately. I thought I'd mentioned it, but apparently my last post was at the beginning of this month... guess I kept wanting to say something and never did. I finally borrowed the last book of the Adept series - Yes, it made it out - and read it. Pretty good, but at the end of the story, I could tell why it wouldn't be continued. He really screwed with that planet... I decided I wanted to read more of his books, though, especially since I had finished The Dastard, so I borrowed Currant Events, and Virtual Mode. One is of the Xanth series, and the other, the Mode series, which is supposed to be similar to the Adept series. I'll see how it is, soon.

I've been furiously trying to work on the shoutbox lately. I say furiously, because I can't concentrate on it. I was told I should probably have other projects to work on, but I'm not sure. I don't work much on this one as it is. I tried, instead, to work on the (X)HTML part of it, but that didn't help much; I found out that the Dojo Toolkit causes loading lag (Though I seemed to experience the most of it) no matter which way you use it; thus, I'm going to wait for it to mature before trying to use it... So much for fancy effects. At the same time, I still need to design the administration section anyway. I can't decide if I want to use cookies (*sigh*) or some form of dialog-based authentication (e.g. WWW-Authenticate or one of it's better "ancestors"). Meh... maybe I should roll it up into a beta version as soon as I can, and that way I'll get feedback. Or something.

I just used "lately" three times in a row on the opening sentences. My vocabulary is obviously not up to snuff.

Serendipity 0.9 was finally released. Naturally, I'm going to upgrade this blog to it, but I'm also going to try making a multi-blog host with it - should be an interesting experience. No ETAs on that, though. Also, I may swap phpBB for punBB, especially if it makes integration easier. I still want to integrate the users and groups of phpBB/punBB, gallery, and S9Y. Nobody seems to have done this, so far...
Oh. And I still need to redo the S9Y template so that it's XHTML valid (Assuming 0.9 doesn't fix that.).

I have no cash... I need job, me bum.

Meow! :3

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Sun, 21 Aug 2005 17:21:07 -0400

So Roxie, the dog, stayed here another week... just as I suspected. Apparently, the owner couldn't move into his new home yet, so we had to keep the dog for another week. It wasn't so bad, but the cat was obviously not overjoyed by this. I wasn't too happy either, when I found dog piss dripping into the basement -_-
Anyhow... the dog left yesterday night. She was really happy to see her owner... and I was really happy to see her go >_>
The cat seems to be feeling better, too.

College semester's over, and I did well on my exams, I'd say. Onto the next one!

As for server-related things, it seems things are looking up. Knoppix 4 booted without a hitch, and I was able to get everything up and running again with few problems and corrections. The next reboot will use the official Knoppix 4, not that I think it'll make much of a difference.
Also, while the mail server is still down, it seems that I'll be able to get postfix up and running soon. And my To Do list is looking mighty small now =)

And now, to work on the shoutbox more often.

I love foxes, but I hate dogs. Does that make any sense?

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Mon, 08 Aug 2005 19:58:07 -0400

Don't get me wrong: I'm okay with dogs, as long as they leave me alone, or are someone else's; I, however, will never, ever own one.

Some time ago, my mother ran by me the idea of dog-sitting while dog's owner was gone. Yes, she wanted to let someone leave their dog here for a while (and I think the initial timeframe was a month!).

For those of you who don't see why this is a problem: I have a cat. Who's fully grown. Who's never had to share his space.
I blew up when she suggested this, telling her it would be impossible and that they wouldn't get along; were it another cat, or had Gizmo ever had to share his space in his younger years, it may be possible. However, I knew my cat, and I knew what he went through in the neighbourhood: the strays and other cats ~~were~~ are not friendly.

I thought the idea had been dropped, but yesterday, my mother tells me that the dog would be dropped off today.
Dropped off.
No "let's see if they get together", no "but if it doesn't work out, there are alternatives".
Gizmo did not take this well.
My mother, fawning over the dog, didn't give Gizmo much of a change, either: I understand hitting the cat with a broom when he attacks the dog, but if he's just growling (or whining, as it sounded), to let him be a sour puss.
Eventually it was decided that we'd keep Gizmo locked in the basement (where, I remind, his litter is, and where my room is, as well). For those of you who haven't been told before: he does not take well to being locked in the basement, even with his food brought down there. This goes double if he's alone, as he wants to be near someone, even if he's not being paid attention to.

This is day one, and already Gizmo looks defeated (or depressed, whichever you're more likely to believe).
I still think my mother is a fool.

A whole buncha notta about nothing

keilaron@keilaron.ca (Keilaron) — Mon, 18 Jul 2005 22:23:18 -0400

It's amazing sometimes how much drama can go on without people being aware of it.
I refer in my "speech", today, of some drama which has been going on in Second Life. While I still consider myself relatively new at Second Life, I have been around for five months (and 8 days >_>) as of this post (Which is, in most cases, quite new.).

However, in the whole time I've been in SL, I've not heard a peep of Prokofy Neva nor anything about them. Yet one visit to the SL Universe Forums reveals much ado (in the drama subforum, naturally) about this person.
There are even debates (*long sigh*) about this person's IRL gender. (I've long given up care about one's real gender, on the internet. It. Does. Not. Matter. Much less in an environment (such as Second Life) where one is given the option to choose! Why else give this choice?) What amazes me the most, however, is how most posts concerning, from, or to this person are often exceedingly long. I also wonder at the vocabularity level; it's not your usually two-bit flaming à la IRC: it's (to some degree, at least) intelligent debate. However, it takes little time to find that, after a little digging, there's much bandwagoning, as with any other great debate.

It's gone so far as having members squelched (on the forums) or thoroughly banned, apparently, though I may be exagerating with the second phrase. Naturally, these kinds of things make me wonder where we, as humans, are going... although they also make me wonder where we came from, as I'm not one for knowing history.

The only thing I really have to say on the matter, though, is that this is one of the things I'm glad to be ignorant about. It's nothing blissful, really </pun>, but one can not know everything there is to know.